The King Marries his Queen
by truebie1989
Summary: After the events of Suicide Squad, the Joker realizes he is ready to commit to his Queen full-time. But, of course, as it usually is for these two, it would never be a conventional honeymoon. Rating will change.
1. Chapter 1

Hey there. I just watched Suicide Sqaud and became enamored with Harley and Joker's relationship. This is just a one-shot, rather lighthearted, I suppose. I hope you enjoy. Pardon me for any errors as English is not my first language. This is also a first for me writing them so please be gentle haha, its very nerve-wracking. Also, apologies if their characters aren't true to film.

* * *

 _ **The King Marries his Queen**_

Harley woke in a dreamy daze, a smile on her face that abruptly turned into a glum frown when she reached out blindly beneath the luxurious black silk bed sheets, expecting to feel the warmth of her Puddin's flesh yet her eagerly outstretched fingers only met nothing but wrinkled sheets; the only living reminder her honey had been in the bed with her the previous hours before in the first place.

A sleepy glance around the bedroom confirmed her suspicions that her Puddin' had left the room.

Sighing loudly, she lifted up her right leg, nudging the sheets down with her bare ankle and nimble toes expertly while a hand went up the bottom of her favorite shirt, her chipped black fingernail polished painted nails itching and stroking at the thinly inked 'Mr J' heart tattoo she had just inches above her belly button, a habit she liked to do often as a way of comforting herself.

While it was nice to be home, now that she knew for sure that her man wasn't dead and that she was not stuck in the stuffy confines of Arkham anymore, it wasn't the same without her Puddin' sleeping beside her.

 _Daddy doesn't need you,_ one of the numerous voices said inside her head, taunting her. _It's why he left so quickly. Mr. J doesn't need you or want to be around you for too long anymore._

"Shut up, that's not true," she cried out loud into the dark bedroom, her eyes tearing up as she pouted. "He broke us out of prison. That's how we know he needs us." It didn't phase her that no one answered back or that all Harley was greeted with was a ringing silence in the bedroom. Some said that talking to yourself was a true sign of insanity, but so what? Sometimes talking to yourself was fun, even if no one was there to answer back.

She shrugged to herself and tongued around her teeth defiantly at the silence, kicking the sheets off before climbing out of bed. She was disturbed that her Puddin' had left her and she longed for nothing more than to find where he had gone. It was just never the same without him around.

She padded around the bed barefooted, finding her pair of hot pants where she had discarded them messily on the floor hours ago, which she stepped into and slithered on, snapping the elastic band around her hips as she hummed to herself. She caught a glimpse of herself in the cracked mirror near the bed, the glass covered in Ha Ha smears with lipstick, and sighed through her nose heavily, her shoulders slumping as she fingered the place on her neck where her choker used to be.

The 'Puddin' choker had been a gift from her true hearts desire, and then what had she gone and done? She'd stupidly tossed it away, depressed that her Puddin' had gone away for good. She knew better now at least, but she was still sad she could no longer wear it. She dreaded the moment her Puddin' asked her where it had gone, but a part of her believed he probably wouldn't have noticed or made too much of a fuss about it anyhow. Lastly, she combed her fingers through the lengths of her blonde, red and blue tipped hair and smeared on some lipstick, hardly caring that it didn't follow her lip-line completely, hoping to make herself look more presentable for her Mr. J.

Light on the balls of her feet, she found her Puddin' sitting in the dark on the couch near the bear skinned-rug- the very rug they had gotten pleasurably reacquainted on hours go. Though it was dark, she could still see him clearly; It was an unusual sight. Her Mr. J had both arms draped along the back of the couch, one leg crossed and resting over the other. He seemed so unusually still and unlike himself tonight.

Through the window, the moonlight and bat sign in the distance gleamed off his slick, combed back hair, making it seem a darker, less vibrant shade of green. The faint rays from outside made his pasty face look strangely silvery, caressing the dips and hollow's of his skin, making his cheekbones look razor sharp. From what she could tell of her Puddin' from where she silently stood observing him with both hands on her hips, he must have redressed in the clothes he wore earlier on.

He seemed in a funny, thoughtful mood, which unsettled Harley and made her reconsider whether she ought to disturb him. Mr. J was not one that liked to be disturbed, unless if truly necessary. Harley was unused to seeing him this way.

Making up her mind, she tiptoed slowly towards him, hoping to creep up behind him and give him a real start, making him laugh. Her eyes were glued to the back of his skull determinedly as she edged closer and closer to where he sat. Once she finally reached up behind him, she held her breath, waiting a second before pouncing.

"Boo!" she shrieked loudly, giggling as she clamped her hands down on both of his shoulders, squeezing him.

Mr. J barely even jolted, but just as she had hoped for, a slow, halfhearted laugh escaped him, making her bones feel as if they had softened at the sweet familiarity of the sound. There was nothing better than the feeling of knowing she was the cause of making her man laugh.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked hesitantly, making herself speak up. "You seem awfully quiet there, Daddy?"

She caught the outline of his head turn towards her, shadows making his grill gleam and wink at her through the dark as he parted his lips. "I'm doing nothing, sweet-cheeks." No more laughter escaped him. That was definitely unusual. Her Puddin' usually didn't seem so glum and serious. "I'm just... thinking, baby."

"Just thinking? So why the long face?" She rubbed up along his muscular shoulders through his jacket as she bent down, resting her chin atop of her hand, the side of her face near his. There was nothing like feeling him now, squeezing him and knowing he was real, that he was there, alive. She relished in the moment, sniffing at him surreptitiously, before letting her eyes roll upward. Straight past him, she caught sight of the glow of the bat sign in the distance again. "Whatcha thinking about? Surely not about Batsy still?"

A deep, guttural groan left the base of his throat at her bringing up Batsy-Boy, and Harley had to bite down on the tip of her tongue real hard to stop herself from laughing.

 _Stupid, stupid Batsy, the pussy,_ she thought to herself. He had a habit of ruining everything. Their date night. All the fun they had together in general. Now it was... whatever this was with her Puddin's mood.

Yet Harley sensed it was not a laughing matter immediately, when her honey lifted his arm and brought his hand behind the couch towards her. She stiffened against the back of the couch when he ran his hand up her spine through the flimsy material of her shirt, trailing it up until his fingers reached the nape of her neck. He squeezed down with his fingertips, purposefully wanting to hurt her, which made her shiver.

A little pain, she could handle. And no one dished out pain as good as her Mr. J did.

A surge of pleasure raced through her and her breathing went louder and more shallow as he started pulling with his hand cupped around the nape of her neck so that her head was bent over his shoulder, her long hair strewn around the front of her face as a laugh escaped her. His head moved, his lips near her ear.

"How many times do I got to tell you, baby?" he whispered against the shell of her ear in warning, just his voice alone sending exhilarating electric jolts into her system. "How many times does Daddy have to tell you not to mention that name in front of him?" His thin, bony fingers flexed around her neck and loosened around her neck, before flexing again, creating an intoxicating dance of both pleasure and pain.

It was always a game they liked to play, though Harley couldn't tell sometimes whether he was truly fooling. All she knew, was that she lived and breathed for moments like this. It was always so fun and exciting and... dangerous. A good laugh.

Harley grit her teeth, a wide grin forming over her mouth when The Joker rubbed the tip of his nose against her cheek. "What you gonna do about it?" she managed through labored breaths.

"Do ya need a good spanking for me to make it clear?"

Harley felt heat spread from her chest area to her face at the imagery that conjured in her head. "Whatever you wanna do to me, then just do it, Puddin'. You know I'd go through anything for you." It was a sad but true statement; It had started way, way back, when she first met him when she was a psychiatrist and him assigned her first patient at Arkham. After giving him a handgun and throwing herself into a vat of chemicals for him, she knew she'd do anything for him. She'd had her doubts about whether he had felt the same, which he had proven recently that he had. It humbled her to know her Mr. J was just as loony about her as she was about him.

"Actually, I got something else in mind."

"Yeah?" she whispered, confused when he released his grip around her neck. Her neck felt tender already and the idea of having the red imprint of her man's fingers staining the back of her neck thrilled her.

"Yeah," he said without elaborating. He sat up, uncrossing his legs while patting his lap. "Get over here, honey. Sit in front."

Instead of just walking around the couch to sit on his lap, Harley decided to reduce the time it would take by jumping up and swinging her legs over the couch. She tumbled into his lap, his maniacal laughter filling the room and soothing her when she wrapped both arms around his neck tightly, sitting close as she glanced up at him through her eyelashes with eagerness. The collar on his jacket was wide open, showing off pale skin and the tattoos along his sternum and, more importantly, the gold chains dangling down around his neck. _Always her Puddin',_ she thought to herself fondly as she stroked his neck tentatively. _Even after all this time, he still was fond of his bling._ She could see his facial expression better now that she was sitting directly in front of him, on his lap. The metal grill along his teeth flashed at her as he cocked his head to the side, grinning at her.

Even still, his smile never failed to make Harley feel all bubbly and airy inside.

"I got a question to ask ya, Harley Quinn. Something that's been bothering me all day like a good joke you just can't get out of your head, a joke you've just got to share with someone. You listening?"

Harley leaned her head to the side and sat up slightly in his lap to show that she was. She was unsure where the conversation was about to go.

She ran her hand down the front of his jacket, noticing his exhalations were rapid through the material. Something had gotten him all in a twist. "Ya got my full attention," she assured him, her voice scratchy and low, brimming with both curiosity and cautiousness.

When her Mr. J seemed to hesitate, dragging his tongue along his bright lipstick colored lips, she felt her heart race like a monster. Her Puddin' acting hesitant was not something she saw very often.

"Well, you know how, uh... Daddy sometimes feels like he wants to tie you up and set you on fire?" He paused, and Harley heard him swallow audibly. She didn't know what was going to happen in the next few seconds. "It's not that I wanna deliberately hurt you, it's just that... sometimes you can be a little, uh... grating?"

Harley nodded slowly, licking her lips. Figuring out where he was going with the conversation wasn't easy. "But you tell me that all the time, Puddin'? I know more than anyone that I can be a little-"

"But after all that's happened and with you being gone the way ya had, it's made me think," he cut over her, irritated that she had interrupted his train of thought. "Like really, really think deep down in my heart." Harley felt her heart leap in her chest when her Puddin' lifted both hands, clasping her face in them. His grip was gentle and tender, surprising her. He got a little rough at times, and she didn't mind that. To be honest, she liked both gentle and rough. "Sure, I may feel like I wanna tie you down with rocks and throw ya into the sea sometimes, but... that isn't all the time that I feel that way, you see?"

Harley waited patiently, watching his face, not that she had any choice. His hands were still cupping her face and he used his thumb to trace over the heart tattoo on her right cheekbone several times. She could see a few disturbing and conflicting emotions pass over his face, all at once. Frustration, confusion. He licked around his lips again, flashing a small gleaming smile at her.

"I mean, I treat ya... fairly well, don't I?" Harley opened her mouth, about to answer, but he slid his hand down abruptly, covering her mouth with his palm, shutting her words of reassurance off. "You don't gotta speak just yet. Let me get it all out first or else it'll never come out." He sighed loudly, a deep growl reverberating, and Harley pressed her lips together underneath his palm, obeying. His piercing blue eyes searched hers, deeply and intensely. "Daddy tries to treat you good, because you're his Queen, his Princess. I've done well with you, haven't I, baby?"

His hand shook her head slightly, making Harley feel as if she was having a seizure. He seemed so conflicted, so... vulnerable, in ways she hadn't seen before.

"What I'm trying to say is that after everything that has happened, its made me realize I don't wanna be without you. You... truly are the constant fire in my loins, the... pesky itch in my crotch." It was a joke between them; Something he always introduced her to his associates as. And at that, Harley reached down below them with her free hand, putting one of them to use naughtily while a howl left her gritted teeth. She rubbed her fingers around his crotch, stroking him through his trousers, and a low, deep groan left his throat. He laughed loudly and as his laughter filled her ears, Harley felt her throat tighten and compress with emotion. It was truly the most romantic thing he had ever said to her, if ever. Her Puddin' was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. "So, while I may sometimes feel like killing ya and hurting ya, its treating you good and keeping you as my Queen that I feel I wanna do for ya more than anything else. You get that?"

Harley nodded against his palm, her blue eyes filling up with tears.

"And this... this King wants his Queen as his wife." Joker paused, clearing his throat gruffly. Harley was stunned by how emotional he sounded, how gruff with nerves. "Which is why I've got the question for ya, Harley Quinn. Will you do this honka honka the honor of being his wife, baby?

He moved his palm away from her mouth, finally giving Harley permission to speak, only she couldn't. For once in her life, she was truly speechless. Was this another dream? Was she dreaming this? Her throat tightened with overwhelming emotion to the point where she thought it would be impossible to talk at all, as if someone was throttling her, making it impossible for her vocal cords to work.

Harley still had the suspicion it was all a dream and, in a way to test otherwise, she lifted her hand, slapping herself once across the cheek. The pain was fast and striking, but she still had her doubts. She brought up her arm, using the long fingernails on her other hand to rake them down her skin, to make sure she was awake and wasn't off, daydreaming about her and Mr. J together in a montage of normalcy.

"Is this a daydream, Mr. J?" she asked softly to her Puddin', still unconvinced. "Am I dreaming? Or is this another one of your jokes? You gotta know its cruel, teasing a woman about that sort of thing, don't ya? Teasing a woman about somethin' like marriage is enough for her to feel justified in beating in her man's skull until it turns to mushy pulp with her baseball bat!"

He threw his head back, laughing loudly, his laughs vibrating through to her body as she still sat on his lap. After a moment of consideration, she realized, _Hmmm... it couldn't be a dream. He wants to marry me!_ Her cheek was aching from where she had slapped herself and her arm was now bleeding lightly from raking her fingernails down it viciously in the hopes of waking her up. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

Losing herself, Harley made a squealing noise, cupping her Mr. J's face between her hands as she bounced on top of his lap excitedly.

Then she leaned in to kiss him, their mouths mashing together, the lipstick he was wearing feeling slick against hers as it slathered against her mouth with every which way their lips joined. He reached down, finding her backside through her hot pants and he held her with his hands, Harley leaning against his chest. She couldn't believe it and she hadn't realized until he'd asked it, that this was what she had wanted for her and Mr. J all along. Or well, maybe she had known all along even before the Enchantress revealed it to her that she'd wanted a married life with Puddin', but...for some reason, she hadn't thought it would ever become reality. Not for them, not with how they were. Until now.

All she had ever wanted, was for her Joker to be her husband. To know that they were on equal footing.

Harley whimpered weakly when Puddin' leaned back, deliberately disengaging their mouths. When she leaned closer, wanting to kiss him again, she was in for a cruel awakening when he snapped his teeth at her, warning her away like a dog. Despite all that, honest laughter escaped her, though she wouldn't have minded kissing a bit more with him.

"Aww, Puddin'!" She very nearly screamed, her voice shaking and high-pitched. It was still all so surreal; The both of them were breathless from kissing, their breathing loud and shallow.

Tears spread down her cheeks, creating a ring of black mascara as laughter bubbled from her throat.

"What you crying for, baby?" She could see that he was misconstruing her actions. He ran his palm through the side of her hair consolingly. "Don't you want to be my pretty, pretty, pretty little wife?"

"Oh, 'Course I do!"

An exasperated, rumbling growl escaped him. "Hmmm, then what's the problem?"

"It's just that I...I've been waiting for you to ask me that for so long! I was just starting to think it would never happen!"

Reaching up, he ran his hands around her back, resting one hand on the nape of her neck, though it wasn't like before. It was gentle, careful, this time. More tears coursed down her cheeks as her mascara stung her eyes, and she sensed another need take over for her Puddin' when he started kissing around the neckline of her T-shirt, pressing feather-light kisses around her tattoos and her cleavage line. He alternated between nipping at her skin with his grill-covered teeth and only using his lips, and Harley could feel that same need he felt taking over her as well.

 _But that would have to wait for now._

She let him think he was having his way for a few minutes, grinning, silent laughter shaking her body. She felt high and euphoric, as if she'd just had a hit of some illicit substance. She couldn't believe it! Finally, her and her Daddy were getting married! Not in the conventional way, she knew, because her and her Puddin', nothing they ever did was normal and she knew she would be silly to expect otherwise. But if Harley had to be honest, she liked it best that way. The love her and her Puddin' had, it was different to all other loves. It was _theirs_.

She shivered, groaning blissfully, when Puddin' pulled up her shirt, bending low with his head to nip at her flat belly. Then she pulled away, sliding off him despite his protests. There was something else she had to do, after all.

"Hey, where you going?" he called after her in annoyance. "Where's my loving?"

She laughed loudly, running towards their dank bathroom, connecting the tattoo machine and perching herself on the edge of the bathtub. "What's it look like I'm doing, Puddin'?" she called back, her heart still pounding, her bones still mushy and tender. When he approached the bathroom, still panting heavily, looking like a deprived man who had been denied a cookie out of the cookie jar with wide eyes, Harley grinned and twiddled the fingers on her left hand at him. "I'm putting on my wedding ring, silly!"

The next day, Harley and her Puddin' had matching ink rings on their wedding fingers. Conventional, it definitely was not. But it was the way they both liked it best.

 _Hope you enjoyed. Reviews with your thoughts are most welcome. :) Hope this isn't too cutesy for them or OCC. Thanks for reading. I'm undecided about making it a multilength story._


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, thank you so much for the response, I am so flattered. I was not expecting that. I'm just obsessed with these two! Again, apologies if this is bad or out of character. Also, please be gentle as English is not my native language.

* * *

Harley slipped into her bra and panties, then unzipped the dress she had chosen to wear for the exciting night ahead of her.

She slipped into it, zipping it back up, before reaching down to grab her pair of stilettos to step into them. Tonight was going to be different, she believed. Maybe not completely different than usual, as her and her Mr. J were firstly tending to business at the club, but there was a part of her that couldn't help anticipating what would become of the night ahead of her.

Something had changed between her and her Puddin', and she knew exactly what that something was. Bending down to fix the straps on her spiked stilettos, her eyes landed on that meaningful difference and its significance as she fiddled with adjusting the straps around her ankles. Her tattoo, a new addition from just the night before.

Three centimeters on her forth finger, a Q with a heart beneath it. She smiled a teeth-gleaming wide smile to herself, shaking her head with bewilderment yet again. Though it had finally began to sank in, she still couldn't quite wrap her head around it and come to grips with it. _Her and her Mr. J! Married!_

A strangled squeal left her throat as she stood up lithely in her stilettos, rubbing the pad of her thumb against it, her smile so big it was beginning to feel painful. Her Puddin' had a matching tattoo in the exact same spot on his finger now, though his was a K with a heart beneath it. K and Q. King and Queen. Husband and wife.

Could anything be more perfect? Harley wondered to herself dreamily as she approached the mirror, inspecting her attire for the evening. Her dress was thigh length and low-cut in the bosom department, which was why she'd made sure she wore fishnet stockings as well, as her Puddin' was funny about her showing off too much of herself for other men unless it was solely for his enjoyment in mind. She ran her hands down her sides, then up, cupping each breast, pushing them up so her cleavage stood out. Satisfied, she found her jewelry box, slipping in large hooped gold earrings in both ears.

Her make-up came next, and she hummed to herself as she put on a shiny coating of deep red lipstick. Just as she found her eyeliner and was attempting to do her signature bold look that made her blue eyes pop out, she was interrupted.

The bedroom door flung open, startling her. A noise left her throat as her heart pounded in her chest like a crazy thing, one hand flailing around her throat as she spun around on the spot. For a moment, no one entered the room while she laughed to herself shakily. Then, a second later, her Puddin' was there.

"Ta-da!" he called, stepping into the room at last, both arms outstretched as he spun around on the spot, prancing around.

"Puddin', you scared the living daylights out of me!" Harley said with a flustered chuckle, admiring him, as he liked.

Her Puddin' always loved to make an entrance and tonight he was dressed every bit fit for her handsome king.

He was wearing a tuxedo tonight, something that made her feel happy that her suspicions had indeed been correct. Tonight was going to be a special night. It wasn't everyday her Puddin' dressed up especially for her. The tuxedo was a shimmery light green, hugging his slight physique, matching her dress to eerie perfection. When he bowed at her theatrically, a small gleaming smile stretched his lips, his eyes roaming over Harley's attire appreciatively himself.

They were matching in the clothes they had chosen to wear for the evening. It was so adorable that Harley felt as if her heart was threatening to rip itself apart.

"Oh my God, Puddin'," she muttered, almost bursting into tears. "We're like Siamese twins or something with how we're matching with our clothes! Sometimes we're just so adorable that it makes me wanna be sick!" Her Mr. J didn't like it when Harley got too emotional, so she reigned in her emotions quickly, "Ya got all dressed up for me?"

He gave Harley his signature laugh, making her feel warm inside. "Of course I did, baby. Anything for my pretty, pretty, pretty little Queen."

"Ya know what tonight is, don't you?" she asked, unable to help herself from reminding him. "Tonight's pretty much our honeymoon- or so it is for normal people, anyway. I know we aren't much normal, but ya got any surprises waiting for me, Mr. J?"

Her Puddin' feigned thought as he offered her his arm, which she took eagerly. "You'll have to wait and see what Daddy has in store for you now, won't ya?"

Before Harley could respond, her Puddin' dipped his head down low, pressing his lips to hers. It was like an electric shock to the system, a jolt that made her head clear of all previous thought when his lips moved against hers with a hungry, guttural moan.

Getting more into it, Harley brought up both arms, curling them around his neck tight, a moan leaving her lips in response as she parted them to him, allowing him entrance. Their wet, hot tongues danced together, licking and lashing at each other messily.

It still stunned her even after all this time, how her Puddin' could affect her in such a way. All he had to do was just look at her a certain way or laugh, and she was immediately gooey mush in his hands. Harley had suspected it would have waned off, his affect on her, while she did time in prison and when she'd been recruited for the Squad, but that was not the case.

Even after all this time, she couldn't seem to get enough of him. He was like a drug that no matter how hard she tried to wean herself off of, nothing could ever fully make that craving go away.

Harley felt bereft when Mr. J pulled away from her, eyeing her heatedly. "Let's get out of here, baby," he said, licking his bottom lip, metal winking at her on his teeth cheekily. "The king's got places he needs to be. And besides... a little birdie tells Daddy we got a lot to do tonight."

"Um hmm, Puddin'" was all Harley could respond with as he dragged her out of the bedroom.

* * *

Perusing the men in the room, Harley searched for their first victim as husband and wife eagerly while she hoisted herself up onto the chain that hung above the ceiling, the manic bass line egging her on.

She'd read somewhere in a magazine that she had managed to coerce one of the guards to give her in prison one time that apparently marriage changes you. According to the article in the glossy magazine, marriage made you feel more relaxed and secure about the future.

While Harley undoubtedly felt both parts of that, she didn't feel what the article had preached as 'nurturing instincts' as yet, where a newly married woman found herself thinking about cultivating not only a family with her man, but a quiet, chilled lifestyle.

Though newly married on no one else's terms but hers and her Puddin's, Harley didn't feel quite ready to give up this part of their lifestyle as yet. In fact, she still felt as exhilarated by this as she used to. No doubt, her Mr. J felt the same.

She let her eyes find him a couple of times while she did her thing, wrapping one leg over one side of the chain, gripping it with her flesh. Relaxing her grip with her hands, she let go, balancing backwards, her training as a gymnast coming in handy more than ever. Hanging upside down with her long hair cascading around her head and with her gleaming white smile in place, she peered around the room again, scoping out a victim that seemed too easy to reel in.

The blood rushed and trickled to her head, making her cranium pound as her gaze settled on a man sitting alone near the bar. From what she could see of him, he had a buzz cut, a tattoo on the side of his neck. Arching herself back up, she swung off the chain, everyone's eyes watching her, admiring her in her tight-fitting dress, her porcelain skin and her tattoos.

Setting her sights on the man, she placed both hands on her hips, bracing herself to do her work. She stared at the man in determination as she stepped back slightly, wanting to get some decent space, then she ran and took a leap off the stage. A loud burst of joyful noise from a group of men sounded off at her antics, and once she approached the man, she pulled herself up onto the bar, crawling towards him.

The man seemed surprised and disbelieving that she had even noticed him. He paused from taking a swig of his drink, glancing around to check and see for sure that it was actually him she was invested in. Up close, she saw he had a septum piercing. On all fours, she reached him, angling her body low enough so that he could hopefully see what was beneath the dress and what her bra was hiding. When the man sat upright, his eyes wide, Harley chuckled in amusement at how flustered he appeared.

"You shy?" she asked, putting her mouth near him. "You shy, Mister? That's so cute!"

When Harley lifted a hand, about to stroke his cheek, the man moved, putting distance between them.

"Here, pussy, pussy, pussy," she called under her breath, as if the man was an overexcited dog. A laugh escaped her. If there was one thing Harley had learned best about her and her Puddin's games, it was about how fragile and sensitive a man's ego was. "Wow, even Batsy-Boy's got bigger balls than you," she retorted, crushing the man further.

Just as she expected, the ball fell easily into her court. The man stiffened at the taunt, his jaw clenching. His pride had been crushed, just like that. He was like putty. Harley's eyes passed him to where her man was waiting, sitting in the closed-off VIP area, his hand clenched over his cane- watching, her Puddin' always liked to watch these things unfold.

Sliding close, she splayed out onto her side, running a hand down her tummy as she observed the man with bright, mirthful eyes. He wouldn't dare so much as meet her gaze. He kept looking around, conscious not to so much as look at her for even a second. Leaning forward, she reached out with her hand, seeing him flinch when she raked her fingers roughly through his short buzz-cut.

"What? Am I not good enough for you or somethin', huh?" she whispered in his ear, feigning sadness. "You don't like me? I'm not pretty enough for you? Well, that's what he always tells me." Harley prided on herself being the best actress at the most theatrical of times. She attempted to make herself appear real worked up, her eyes welling with actual tears. "I wanna be rid of him, but you know... it isn't that easy. It never is, is it?"

Finally, the man met her eyes, his dark ones shining at her in the lights. Concerned. He was concerned. Bingo. "I know who you are. Your the Joker's lady?"

"You think I'm his lady by choice?" She sniffled loudly. "I tried to tell him a couple of times that I'm done, that I'm through with this life. But does he listen to a word I say? No, he doesn't." She knew how delicate she looked when she cried, so she let a few tears slide down her cheeks, inhaling in deeply.

When she looked past the man's shoulder to where her Puddin' was, she saw he was standing now. Her heart raced at the piercing, dark look he was giving them and she had to fight down another giggle.

This was the part that got her hooked the most; The jealousy in her Mr. J's eyes, how darker and predatory his gaze went. Even where she was lying, spreadeagled on the counter top, she could see his grill glistening as he parted his lips, his eyes boring into hers. Harley thought she could even hear the grumbling noise he was making all the way from where he stood through the music.

"No, you know what I need? Like what I truly, truly need?" The man was captivated, watching every expression that flitted across her face. He was entranced. "I need a man like you. Someone to save me, someone strong and... sorta sexy, 'cause I'm not strong enough to do that on my own, ya know?"

She sniffed again, lifting her left hand to swipe away at the moisture her tears had left on her cheeks with the back of her fingers. Her eyes snagged onto the solid inked Q tattoo on the top of her forth finger yet again, her wedding finger. A surge of happiness shot through her as it dawned onto her for the hundredth time that she was, by all intents and purposes, a married woman now. And her man... She lifted her eyes, glancing at him again.

He was still watching, his eyes glued to the pair of them, even when he lifted a hand, raking his fingers through his slicked back, bright green hair, preening himself for his Queen. He stood straight, erect, like a dog on alert waiting for the right moment to pounce. She loved this feeling, most of all, whenever they did this. It was one of the rare few moments she truly felt cherished, loved, by her Puddin'. She was the center of his universe as they played this game- and his gaze never strayed, not even for the shortest second.

"You wanna know the truth?" she asked, bringing her eyes back to the man. Out of the corner of them, she saw her Puddin' begin making his move, stalking through the crowd. It was addictive, thrilling, how gleeful she felt. "Sometimes, I wanna leave him. Mr. Joker. You wanna save me? You wanna take me away and save me from him, huh?"

This was the part she always knew worked best; Men liked to be saviors, she'd learned throughout the games her and her Puddin' had played. Put a damsel in front of a man and he became putty in her hands.

The man seemed to hesitate, all the while his brown eyes started roaming, eyeing her body in her dress, tentative lust in his eyes. The instance the question, "Where you wanna go?" erupted from his mouth, Harley felt like basking.

Bingo. Putty in her hands, and so easily.

She wasn't sure whether the man had caught onto what was happening or not, but he glanced between them, noticing her Puddin' had vanished from where he had previously been sitting. The man started to stand, glancing around again nervously, but Harley slipped both hands on his muscular shoulders, pulling him to her in a firm embrace.

"Well, come on? Don't leave a poor desperate lady in need waiting," she muttered under her breath, irritated. "Are ya gonna save me or what? You gonna take me away and treat me like a princess?" When the man attempted to push her hands away, still peering around frantically for the Joker, Harley made a soft cooing, heartbroken noise, knowing how the men loved it. "Hey, can't you hear me? I'm talkin' to you! You gonna help me?" When he went to step away, she latched on, curling her fingers around the lapels of his jacket, clinging. "Don't you wanna help me be free of him? I can make it worth your while, hmmm?"

"No, I've changed my mind," the man spluttered, pushing her away forcefully. "Your the Joker's girl. I'm not crazy!"

"Aww, so you are a pussy, huh? You don't want me? I truly aren't cute enough for ya?" Harley covered her slender fingers over her mouth and eyes, pretending to cry, just in time enough. "Fine then." She turned, kicking her legs off the counter top, to see her Puddin' standing directly behind where she had laid flat on the bar, though his gaze was solely intent on the man she had just been fooling around with.

Though Harley found it cute of her Puddin', she knew he had a particular way of looking at other people that made them feel like emptying their bowels all over themselves. Especially when they played their games like this. Though his face was expressionless, she caught that silent gleam in his eyes- the look he always had before and after something bad happened to the little pawn in their game.

 _This guy was so screwed!_

Genuine laughter bubbled in Harley's throat as she pulled her legs up into a sitting position, leaning her bare back against her Mr. J as she observed the man in front of them. If he hadn't been scared before, he was now. She thought she heard him whimper a little and gulp as he stared back into her Puddin's eyes, his face trembling slightly.

"What do we have here, hmmm?" Her Puddin' asked as he leaned down to mutter into the shell of her ear through the thumping music, his throaty voice alone sending tingles on her skin.

"Puddin', he says I'm not pretty enough for him to play with," she said back through the music, her voice high with outrage. She wiped at her eyes again, feigning a sob. "Is that true?" A shiver coursed through Harley at what she knew must be storming through her Puddin's mind at that.

If there was one thing she knew her Mr. J disliked the most, it was hearing people disrespect Harley or call her words like 'ugly' or 'not pretty enough'. Half the time Harley made up that they had called her that just to get a rise out of him, sure. But she was certain her Puddin' thrived on her lies just as much as she did as an excuse to have a laugh.

"Not pretty enough, hmm?" Just as she expected, she heard the hidden undercurrent of danger to her Puddin's tone as he uttered the words. "So my Harley girl's not pretty enough for you?"

"I... I mean, she's pretty, sure," the man croaked out, his upper lip glistening with sweat. "But she's your girl. I don't want no trouble now!"

When he drew closer to the man, Harley watched, riveted, as her Mr. J got real close to invade the other man's personal space. They were so close, eyeballing each other, that their noses were just inches away from touching. Her Puddin's lip-stick coated lips were parted, his grill shining in the lights as his eyes danced around the man's face critically. One hand twitched to the gun in his holster that was strapped and hidden beneath his tuxedo jacket.

"You don't want no trouble?" Puddin' repeated, and a laugh escaped him.

"N-no, Mr Joker, sir. I-I know she's your lady and... a-according to the rumors floating around this joint, she's now your... your wife. As I said, I don't-"

"- That's right." A low snarl tearing through her Puddin's gritted teeth, he whipped out his gun and quick as a blink, a deafening _boom_ erupted through the club as a bullet went straight through the man's head.

Harley shut her eyes instinctively as she felt the spray of warm blood hit her, and when she reopened her eyes slowly, she noticed from her surroundings that everyone was starting to get panicked. People were watching, throwing cautious glances their way, only she couldn't seem to care.

Not when she lifted her gaze and found her Puddin' facing her, looking right down at her. He had speckles of blood on his pasty cheeks and some smears covering the 'Damaged' tattoo on his forehead, yet Harley didn't think she had ever seen something so handsome in her entire life as her Puddin', her husband, standing there, covered in blood from the man he'd just murdered. Her heart seemed to stand still as her eyes glued to his while he breathed heavily through his mouth, his chest rising and falling rapidly through the material of his jacket.

Sliding his gun back into his holster and concealing it with a flamboyant flap of his jacket, her Puddin' outstretched a hand, offering it to her, his slender fingers trembling as a mischievous grin upturned the corners of his lips. Without hesitation, Harley lifted her hand, sliding her fingers against his, feeling the rough texture of her man's skin.

It was as if they were the only two living people left alive in the room. No one else seemed to matter- not the dead body on the floor, not anyone. There was just her and her Mr. J, and Harley wouldn't have been surprised if a spotlight was on them right now, making them the center of everyone else's attention.

Making her feel as if she was on fire, electrified, her eyes remained on his unblinkingly when her Puddin' bent down, inclining his head like royalty, his eyes on nothing else but hers. The kiss he planted on the back of her knuckles, over the tattoo on her wedding finger that signified their secret union, it felt hot and greasy as he breathed on her and swiped lipstick onto her skin with each movement of his lips. It was the most romantic thing in the world, unlike nothing else, even with the dead body on the ground near them and all that blood.

"You wanna know what kept me going when I was locked away, Mr. J?" It wasn't something Harley thought she would ever discuss with him, but she felt the need to now.

"What's that, baby?" he breathed into her skin fervently, his eyes intense with a manic gleam in them.

"I used to fantasize about us, married like this, ya know. It kept me going on for days and days."

Pulling on her hand roughly, her Puddin' yanked her to her feet, and Harley slipped her arms around his neck, interlacing her fingers together around his back. The interest in her Puddin's eyes spurred her into continuing, no matter how soppy it probably seemed.

"Only, it wasn't like this. I was the devoted housewife, dressed in her cute little apron with curlers in her hair, and you were a nine-to-fiver, coming home to me after another hard day of work. And you'd come inside with ya briefcase and you'd say, 'How's daddy's puppies?' 'cause we had children and you liked to call 'em puppies."

Joker cocked his head to the side, his metal teeth flashing at her as his forehead crinkled questioningly, "And is that what you want still, honey?"

"They'd pumped me with drugs in there, so I was hallucinating or something," she laughed, shrugging. "I thought that's what I'd wanted, but now... _now_ I'm not so sure anymore. 'Cause what we got together, it's good enough, isn't it?" Harley eyed him hesitantly, "I mean, all that stuff, its... normal. It's what normal people do. And you and me? We're not normal, are we, Puddin'? It would just be like faking it because normal isn't us, and then we'd get bored, and when we're bored, who's gonna know what's gonna happen next?"

Harley unlocked her fingers, lifting her hands up to clasp them around his head.

"Normal isn't us, it's not what we'll ever be. Raising the puppies and changing diapers and getting regular daytime jobs and living by societies rules? That's for other people, not for us. We're the freaks, the outsiders, but at least we got each other. We got our own stuff to do, and we live by our own terms, _on_ our own terms. No apologies, no regrets. Just you and me, Puddin'!"

She could tell her Puddin' enjoyed the idea as much as she did now. A low hiss left his parted lips, and they both leaned in, mashing their lips together, bathing in their newfound clarity. Normal would never be the way they lived. And Harley thought for once that she was now finally okay with that.

Just her and her Puddin', living the married high life, on their own terms.

The king and queen.

 _Sorry if this was bad and disappointing compared to other chapter. Also, if they aren't true to screen. I am so nervous writing them hoping I do justice! Thank you so much, you all are so lovely! I'm seeing Suicide Squad for the second time this weekend, something I rarely do. I guess it safe to say Harley/Joker has me shipping them so hard right now. :) If there is anything you would like to be written about, feel free to let me know. Merci!_


	3. Chapter 3

Merci, I am so thankful for such a generous response! I cannot believe it! I hope you enjoy this one and find it hopefully a fitting 'honeymoon' antic for them! Again, please do be gentle.

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The night wasn't over for them just yet.

Puddin' put his thumb and forefinger in his mouth, whistling shrilly to alert one of his bodyguards over the loud thumping club music. The man, a lanky long-haired tattooed man who Harley recognized as one of Mr. J's main henchmen, nodded and crossed the room, elbowing past people that were settling back into dancing on the floor now that the excitement of her Puddin' murdering the man had waned off.

She hung around, happy to be near her Puddin' while he held an arm around her. She watched between the two as her Mr. J leaned in to say something to his henchman over the music; something she couldn't hear, but judging by the way her man looked, it was a stern order. Then he pointed to the body slumped on the floor with two fingers and at all the blood, and Harley grasped what her Puddin' had said then.

After their little games, it was never her and her Puddin' that were left to clean up whatever was left of the bodies. _Mr. J's henchmen, however..._

Harley laughed over the music, still flushed and filled with exhilaration as she watched the henchman disappear, only to return with a bucket and mop. The man looked utterly careless over being in charge of cleaning duties, and Harley vaguely recalled him being one of the men helping her Mr. J break her out of Belle Reve Penitentiary.

"Ya wanna get out of here, baby?" The Joker spoke close in her ear throatily, making Harley shiver.

"'Course I do, silly." A wide grin stretched over her mouth as she turned to look at him. She leaned up to speak to him over the music, eyeing him eagerly through her lashes. "Where we going to next, Puddin'?" she asked, and she felt all tingly inside when he lifted his hand, stroking along her bottom lip with his forefinger.

As soon as the question left her mouth, she giggled at her own idiocy. _Did she really even need to know where her Puddin' intended to take her? He could take her to hell and back, and she'd still go willingly. Always and only for him. Only for her Puddin'._

"Shh, shh, shh," he whispered, patting her lip with his finger chidingly with each shushing noise he made. "Don't ya know not to ask Daddy questions, hmm?" At that, he slung his arm around her shoulder, pulling her along. "After all, you'll ruin the surprise I got in store for ya."

Harley stumbled forward in her spiky high heels, grinning so much it was near painful as they walked towards the back exit of the club together. She couldn't believe it. His words only served to confirm it. Her Puddin' was being abnormally secretive for once, which meant only one thing for them. Tonight _was_ their honeymoon and her Mr. J was wanting to keep a few things a surprise.

As they slipped out the back entrance, people gawked at them left, right, and center, which Harley was used to now, though it grated on her nerves sometimes. She understood that to most people, her and her Mr. J didn't seem like the normal couple, particularly with the way they dressed, did their makeup, the fact that they were covered in tattoos and the outlandish, bright and colorful hair. But all the stares in the world didn't matter tonight. She was determined to not let it bother her.

Tonight was supposed to be the most exciting night of her life. Everything was finally how it was supposed to be, with her and her Puddin', and their matching wedding rings, married in their own way. Everything else was insignificant compared to that and she wasn't going to let it affect her happiness. Besides, half the time Harley suspected everyone was mostly jealous. People were mostly jealous of the special, unique love her and her Mr. J had for each other.

Still, the nerves of the unknown wouldn't seem to leave her as they slinked casually along the narrow, tan-bricked alleyway at the back of the club together. Mr. J's surprises weren't the kind of ones Harley normally liked. One of the surprises he'd given her over the years ended up with her very nearly drowning in a chemical vat.

"Puddin', where we going for real?" She couldn't help asking again nervously as they kept walking.

The further and further they got from the club, the more deserted the alleyway was. She turned her head, glancing back down the way they came as she nibbled on her bottom lip. That's when her blue eyes landed on the motorbike, deserted and parked alone. The owner appeared to be nowhere in sight.

"Oh, my God, Puddin'," she whispered, high-pitched in excitement, her apprehension and fears immediately leaving her as she wiggled out from beneath his arm, approaching the bike. "Look!"

Hardly caring whose bike it belonged to, she stood near it, running a hand along the glossy black pant before stepping over it, straddling the bike.

"Check it out," she muttered, gripping the handlebars. "Rev your Harley! Broom, vroom!"

Mr. J turned to look at her, and a low animal growl left his throat as he observed her, rather hungrily, while Harley posed on the bike, pouting, raising her eyebrows, trying to be as seductive as she could muster despite the carefree laughter that left her.

"Ya wanna hot-wire it, Mr. J?" she asked hopefully. "Ya wanna take me for a ride? After all, it _is_ kind of our honeymoon, ya know? I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but this _is_ what people do on their honeymoons usually, don't they? Go for rides?"

Five minutes later, The Joker had managed to get the bike running, and they were racing down the highway and lower parts of Gotham, pushing the engine to its limits.

If it wasn't a car, it was a motorbike, and Harley thrived on these moments just as she knew her Puddin' did. At times like this, late at night, going on their wild cruises together, Gotham became their playground, their sanctuary. Whether annoying Batsy decided to come out and play, spoiling all their fun, well, that was his choice.

Though she wouldn't dare admit it to him, Harley decided she liked being on a motorbike better, rather than in a car. It not only gave her the excuse to saddle up behind her Puddin', leaning on him while her arms were curled around his shoulders, squeezing onto him for dear life, but you felt the earth's natural elements more on a bike than you did a car.

The wind roared in her ears, and the bike vibrated the lower half of her body. Her long blonde hair whizzed all around her, and her ears were beginning to ache from the frigidity in the late evening air.

Pressing her lips up against her Puddin's ear, she felt how cold it was due to the wind as well. "Faster, Puddin'!" she hollered over the furious wind and the Harley Davidson's rumbling engine. "Go faster!"

Like a king honoring his queen's request, he obeyed at once, and Harley watched the speedometer on the bike fly up to maximum speed as an addictive thrilling sensation flew up the back of her spine, making her tremble and shiver. She fastened her hands over The Joker's shoulders, pinching her fingertips into the material of his tuxedo jacket, her knuckles leeching white.

It felt as if she was falling from a large height or diving off a building, and she laughed uncontrollably, faintly hearing her Puddin's laughter as well in her ringing ears.

They dodged past a few vehicles on the main stretch of road and as the lights turned red and cars stopped in front of them, she grinned widely, putting her mouth over his ear again, "Go straight through the red lights, Puddin'! Do it!" Harley egged him on wildly, cackling.

Mr. J craned his neck back to look at her, the bike wobbling. "It's you and me, baby, and we don't stop for nobody!"

"That's right!" Using his moment of taking his eyes off the road to her advantage, Harley leaned forward, pressing her lips over her Puddin's passionately, thrusting her tongue into his mouth.

Kissing while pushing extreme speeds was just as invigorating and she giggled against his mouth naughtily before Puddin' tore his lips away, her saliva flinging off him with the forceful movement as he focused back on the road in front of them. Already she could feel the slick smear of lipstick above the corner of her mouth.

Zooming past and ignoring the red lights and the parked cars of Gotham's civilians, they went, and Harley whipped her head around, sticking her tongue out back at the cars as one of them honked their horn at them in warning.

She heard Mr. J make a howling noise in front of her, and when she turned forward, she saw his head was tilted back, up towards the sky as he howled, his bright green hair ruffled and coming out of its usually neat and orderly state. Copying him, Harley tilted her head back as well, howling as loud as she could at the moon like a dog while strands of her hair flapped around her, captivated by the glistening stars in the dark sky far above them.

Booming shots broke out near them, suddenly and without warning.

Harley gasped loudly, her eyes stinging as they darted around them frantically. Batsy? Had Batsy come to ruin their special night?

For a moment, her thighs and knees clenched instinctively around his sides, her heart freezing with paralysis and fear. Had Batsy or some cop just shot at her Puddin'? She slid her hands from their place on his shoulders, feeling around his shirt nervously as she scooted closer on the seat, placing her chin in the crook of his shoulder blade as she peered down to get a better glimpse. Her fingers didn't feel wet with any hint of blood, no matter where she searched. There was no rips or bloody tatters on his shirt.

But then she realized, and she let out a collective sigh of relief, laughing loudly.

Her Puddin' had managed to grab his gun out from his holster while maneuvering the bike. Daringly removing one hand from the handlebars, he had outstretched his arm, pointing up towards the sky and to the side of them. More gunshots rang out deafeningly into the night as he fired all around them at random. A few cars ahead of them swerved to the side of the road, frightened.

"Damn it, Puddin'," she yelled in his ear tremulously, her heart recovering at a sluggish rate from the sudden fright. "I just thought you'd been shot by stupid Batsy or something!"

He lifted high up above them with the gun, shooting more rounds into the air, that made Harley duck behind his head for cover. "Look, baby!" He craned his head back to look at her as his green hair ruffled in the breeze, careless as bullets ricocheted back down at them, his grill flashing at her. "It's our confetti!"

"Our confetti?" she repeated, then she cracked up, mewling against him, rubbing and nuzzling her nose into the side of his face at how romantic that was. Ricocheting bullets from the sky were their confetti. Harley realized that seemed so fitting for them. "Aww, Puddin'!"

It dawned onto Harley a second later just how dry her lips felt from the wind, how parched the bed of her mouth was from all the laughing and swallowing of air.

"I don't know about you, Puddin', but I'm thirsty," she told him, raising her voice over the wind. "How about we get something to drink? Whatcha say, Daddy?"

She leaned forward to hear him properly as her Mr. J moved his head back, his lips sweeping against the shell of her aching ear. "I know what ya mean, honey," he cried out, his lips tickling her with every low, guttural word he spoke, making her shudder in delight. "How about we put an end to our little joyride and go get ourselves some grape soda?"

Just the mere mention of grape soda, their favorite drink, it made Harley's mouth water. She licked her lips, her tongue sticking to them irritatingly from the dryness and lack of moisture. "Mmm, sounds like a good plan to me, Mr. J."

Without warning, The Joker spun the bike around, causing Harley to have to cling to him at the sudden unexpected movement when the bike lurched and dipped to the side as they began back the way they had come, cruising down the streets. Harley heard her Puddin' laugh again at feeling how startled she was and at the jerk of her body when he did an impromptu U-turn. Sometimes Harley wondered if he deliberately wanted to get rid of her at times. But it was, in all things considered, their honeymoon so she would forgive him this for one night.

The rest of the ride back was spent with Harley resting her chin on her Puddin's shoulder, blinking sleepily as the wind lashed in her eyes. The excitement of the bike ride had began to diminish, particularly with how thirsty for grape soda she felt now and at how much her eyes were stinging. Her eyes drifted down to her Puddin's hands as he clenched the handlebars, flexing around the length of it repetitively with his fingers.

There was something about her Mr. J's hands that Harley had always found so attractive, though she couldn't pinpoint what that was. Maybe it was just what she knew those hands were capable of doing? After all, she'd seen him kill a few people, throttling them with his bare hands and fingers, almost effortlessly. She'd been there for a lot of his killing sprees since they'd been together. Truth be told, she'd even been a willing partaker in most of those sprees. Or maybe it was simply 'cause she loved the irony of the tattoo on his hand, the smile that he liked to cover over his mouth cheekily? Her Puddin' always had a wonderful sense of humor.

But no, Harley decided it wasn't about any of those reasons at all right now. It was the tattoo, the latest one on his forth finger, one that matched hers and what it meant for them.

 _Married!_ She still couldn't believe it. It was like a dream come true.

Harley uncurled the fingers on her left hand, glancing down dreamily at her tattoo as well, their wedding rings, tilting her head to the side as the wind continued to ruffle her hair around. This was the most happiest moment of her life, she believed. And then she wanted to share her happiness with him, with such compulsion. He needed to know.

She pressed her lips against his ear again, speaking over the wind. "Loving the hell outta my wedding ring, Mr. J," she said in his ear. "I know some girls are all high maintenance and all that, wanting their hoity-toity bling, but personally... I like ours much, much better!" She fluttered her lips against his earlobe tenderly, though she wasn't sure whether her Puddin' could actually hear her properly or not. "I know they say diamonds are a girls best friend, but who needs a diamond when ya got somethin' like ours that'll last truly till death do us part?"

When he made no noise in response to acknowledge what she had said, Harley fell back in the seat, embarrassment burning her cheeks as she mashed her dry lips together, falling silent over the rumble of the engine. She knew she was often the more sentimental one when it came to their relationship, but sometimes she wished that were not the case.

 _Well, here's another chapter :) Thank you so much for encouraging me. I do hope this one is okay. I get so nervous when writing chapters haha. Your kind response means the world to me, merci! X_


	4. Chapter 4

_Merci, it means so much. Hope this one is enjoyable for you._

* * *

Puddin' pulled the bike up at a convenience store that was open twenty-four-seven, shutting the engine off. Harley's ears rang from the sudden absence of the bike's loud purring as they both climbed off, her mouth still dry and her tongue sticking to her mouth from swallowing all that air and laughing and screaming the way she had been.

Pushing into the store, her Puddin' trailed behind her, and Harley looked around at all the aisles.

"G-good e-evening," a squeaky male's voice said, bringing their attention to him.

A young man, about in his early twenties or late teen years, was standing behind the counter. He had a bad acne problem, a baseball hat hanging off his skull that showed his support for the City's local baseball team.

He flushed a bright red and gulped loudly when he saw just who it was that had entered the store, his eyes widening with alarm. Harley laughed at his reaction when his eyes landed on her companion behind her, his face paling as he recoiled behind the counter instinctively, though she couldn't blame him. Her Puddin' and her, they had earned quite a reputation for being the dreaded power couple in Gotham City.

When she threw a look her Puddin's way, she saw he was doing nothing at all to discourage and ease the young man's fears. Her Puddin' stared right back at him, his eyes glinting in that way they often did whenever he had come across a new toy to play with. His red lips pulled into one of his big, glistening metal grins- and when Harley looked the boy's way again, he looked terrified, as if he thought her Mr. J was about to eat him alive. Which he probably _was_ about to do, to be fair. With her Puddin', there was never telling what he would do at times.

"Aww, look at him Puddin'," she muttered, feeling a little maternal towards the young boy. "He's so scared of us. How cute!"

When her Puddin' drifted off to get their drinks, Harley approached the counter, the lesser of two evils. She rested one elbow on the counter, bringing up a hand and twiddling her fingers in a flirtatious nature at the boy as he swallowed loudly.

"Hi there. I'm guessing you already know who we are? Huh?" Waving at him the way she was, her eyes landed on her tattoo ring again, another wave of happiness floating around her. "We're on our honeymoon, me and my Puddin'."

The young man gasped and murmured something in a low, shaky voice. Poor kid was shaking in his boots.

The sound of glass smashing erupted from the back of the store. The flinches the boy made caused her to laugh. "Ya so jittery, that's cute. But don't worry, that's just my Puddin' getting us a drink. He's real harmless." At the irony of the word, she giggled again. Harmless was not a word many described her Puddin' as. "Well, harmless to me, maybe. You, not so much." She relished the look on the boy's face before she turned around, searching for her Puddin' in the store.

Halfway down the aisle, something caught her eye on the shelf. Her Puddin' would not be pleased.

"Ugh, Puddin'. You better come here and look at this!"

Her Puddin' popped up from the corner of the aisle, four bottles of Grape Soda drinks beneath both arms.

"Look at this! Can you believe it? A whole row full of Batsy!" When her Puddin's eyes landed on where she was hinting to, he looked every bit as disgusted as she felt. All along the aisle, were toys of Batsy. Batsy figurines. " _This_ is how much I care for Batsy," she muttered strongly, and using her arm, she swiped the entire shelf of Batsy figures to the ground. "What's he ever done that's made him deserve all this neat stuff like his own range of toys?"

All the boxes fell to the floor loudly, then she used her heels, stomping, crushing, grinding. One of the figures fell out of the box and she smashed her stiletto against Batsy's head. Her Puddin's laughter egged her on. She lived for moments like this; Moments where she amused him, moments for where she made him laugh in return. She thrived on these moments, her heart racing.

"Oh, p-p-please don't do that." The young man's nervous, high-pitched voice ruined all their fun. "P-please stop. I-I'll get into trouble by m-my manager."

"Ooh, ya better stop, baby." The red, silver-glistening smile that spread on her Puddin's face was truly vicious when he turned to look at the young man. "He don't want to get into trouble," her Mr. J mocked in a taunting voice. "He don't wanna get into no trouble."

"Puddin'," she warned when he handed her all of the bottles, approaching the counter. Harley knew what was going to happen next and, usually, she welcomed it.

It aroused her; Knowing her man was capable of such violent, murderous things, thing even Harley was an active participant in and willing player herself. The contrast to her Puddin's actions when he did something like this, to when he was with her. He was so rough and vile and cruel to other people, yet with Harley, he always reserved for her such a special, gentle touch.

But something about this young boy, it made her feel sensitive, protective- something she hardly felt.

"Puddin', let's just take our drinks and leave."

She knew he wasn't listening. She watched the back of his vibrant green hair as he got close to the counter, the young boy shrinking back far away, almost against the wall like a cowering rat. Harley felt her breath pick up in panic.

"Puddin', it's supposed to be our honeymoon," she tried again, her voice shaking. "We already killed somebody tonight. Let's just take our drinks and get outta here." She tried futilely for something to get his attention, something she knew he wouldn't be able to resist. "Besides, we gotta christen the bearskin rug as a newly married couple."

When it was obvious he wasn't listening, Harley sighed loudly, storming up to the counter. She hadn't seen it from where she was standing, but her body relaxed in sheer relief. Her Puddin' had his hand outstretched towards the young man. He just wanted him to kiss his ring; Something he liked to do as part of a playact of dominance and respect. He was just playing.

"Do it and then we'll go and get out of your hair," Harley said impatiently to the young boy. The boy was frozen, staring at her Puddin's face, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Just do it!"

"P-please just leave. I-I don't want to die."

 _He was so screwed! Why didn't he just listen to what she'd said?_

"So ya don't wanna die, hmm?" The boy had already messed up. Her Puddin's voice went so low and deep, it was barely audible. She knew what was coming next, along with that voice he often used, particularly to threaten people. "Well, today's ya lucky day. Your gonna get to!"

Her Puddin' lifted both tattooed hands, catching the young boy around the neck, holding him in a tight, powerful grip. Harley watched as the boy clenched his eyes shut, a pained moan tearing through his gritted teeth.

"Puddin'," Harley breathed again in warning. "Let's just get outta here. He's not worth it."

But The Joker's fingers tightened around the boys neck, and the boy's face broke out into redness. Plopping all the bottles of soda down onto the counter, Harley stepped in closer, slipping both hands around her man's wrists. His arms were immobile beneath Harley's hands, but she could feel his fingers contracting, strangling the boy.

In the only way she knew how to make it all stop, she brushed her fingers against her Puddin's white face, fingering the J tattoo beneath his eye. "I wanna go home, Puddin'." Though he didn't relax his hands, finally he looked at her, the hard predatory expression on his face softening. "Let's just go. I can think of plenty other fun things we can do to celebrate _and_ I'm pretty sure we got a date on a bearskin rug."

Her words seemed to do the trick, tempting him. Puddin' released the boy as his eyelids drooped heavily, a snicker coming from his mouth as he lifted an arm, curling and draping it around Harley's shoulder lazily. The boy had vanished behind the counter, making huffing, puffing noises, but Harley couldn't seem to find it within herself to care. He held her close into his side, his grin infectious.

Then he swooped down with his head, his mouth coming near her ear, "Oh, I'm looking forward to it, honey." His voice was filled with husky need. He'd forgotten all about the young boy now. "I'm looking forward to our date. Ya wanna get our soda and get out of here?"

"What do you think, Puddin'?" she taunted playfully, reaching up to grip his hand that was hanging loosely off her shoulder in hers, interlinking their fingers together. "'Course I want to leave. I've been telling ya that this whole entire time!"

Reaching behind her blindly, she gathered up the bottles of their drink, feeling the blood pound through her body as her Puddin' bent towards her, their faces close together. He rubbed the tip of his nose deliberately against hers, and she did the same, copying him with a giddy giggle. Relieved that she had managed to successfully talk her Puddin' out of it, she could sense another need take over. She was so wrapped up by the shimmering, heated look in his eyes that she forgot about the boy.

"Oh, thanks for the free drinks by the way," she called, distracted, staring at her Puddin's face as he lifted a leg, kicking the door open by the tip of his combat boot with full strength.

The king and queen never paid.

 _Sorry for taking so long to update this story, hope it was all right. Merci, thank you for your kind words. Hope words are right and that the English was passable._


	5. Chapter 5

The motorbike ride back to the apartment was spent with Harley leaning her chin against her Puddin's shoulder, her eyes shut sleepily while she had two bottles of Grape Soda tucked between her thighs and the other two beneath her arm. At this rate, their date on the bearskin rug wouldn't be happening. It had been a long, eventful evening and already, Harley felt exhausted. She tightened her free arm around his waist instinctively when the Joker took a sudden swift turn, leaning closer into his back as the wind continued to roar in her ears, making them ache.

She was just bringing up her hand to stifle down a yawn, when her Puddin's voice brought her to attention; His voice deep and sonorous with excitement. "Ooh, baby. Look who's come to join the party at last."

The words were enough to rouse her out of her content sleepiness. Harley opened her eyes, blinking heavily against the blasts of wind lashing and smarting her eyes. She didn't even need to look far to see who it was her Puddin' was referring to. She groaned inwardly when she caught the shadowed figure scaling the building to the left of them, hanging on a wire. _Damn it, stupid Batsy. Always showing up at the most inconvenient times._ Harley just wanted to get home.

His black cape billowed behind him as he swung directly to the side of them, keeping them in his sights, following them. It was time to shake Batsy up.

"Typical of silly Batsy," she yelled over the wind, her voice high-pitched with irritation. "He has to come now and spoil our honeymoon night, doesn't he?"

Instinctively, Harley reached down, sneaking her arm through the flap of her Puddin's jacket to where he usually kept his favorite gun. Grasping it, she yanked it out of the holster, a laugh catching in her throat. Raising it to where Batsy hovered, flying after them, as if he were a monkey swinging on a vine, Harley pressed down on the trigger, firing shots at random. She could hardly bring herself to care whether she actually fatally shot him at this point.

She could hear her Puddin' laughing, and startling her, the bike took a sudden change of route, cutting through an alleyway. A bump on the gravel jerked the bike, knocking one of the soda bottles flying out of her arm.

"Damn it, Puddin'," she cried out. "There goes one of our drinks!"

In all her pent-up frustration, she could only make herself feel better by blaming the one person readily there for how wrongly everything was going right now. It was supposed to be a special, enjoyable night. Their honeymoon; Games played at the club, a few killings, some mischief here and there, then fun times at home in their apartment where, hopefully, her Puddin' would say those rare mushy meaningful words he hardly liked to say all that often to her. Not anywhere in her expectations did Batsy factor into that. He was ruining it- like he always did, and she could feel herself trembling as she gritted her teeth, aiming the gun again; she was that frustrated. She squeezed down on the trigger a few times, enjoying the shots of gunfire echoing around her. And then something drew her attention to her Puddin'. He was being unusually, disturbingly quiet.

Flickering her gaze in front of her momentarily, she felt her breath hitch in her throat. There was large dumpster in the alleyway. And Puddin' was steering the bike straight into it.

"Puddin'," she warned nervously. "Watch out for the dumpster!" Instinctively, she shut her eyes, cowering behind him, twining one arm tightly around his neck as she rested her head against his back. She couldn't watch it. This was one of the things she did not enjoy; her Puddin's unfathomable self-destructiveness. Her Puddin' always loved moments like this, the near-death kind, but sometimes, it unnerved Harley, just how close he liked to push it. A sharp thrill coursed through her like lightning, making her tense in fear. "Puddin', hit the brakes on this thing!" She screamed loudly, "Puddin', hit the brakes!"

Suddenly, something happened and she lost all her vision. The thunderous crash of the bike colliding with the dumpster drowned out her blood-curdling scream. Blackness covered her eyes. She felt herself being unseated and with the pull of gravity, she was flung through the air. When she landed, it was one of the most painful things she had felt in her entire life, and she rolled over roughly three times against the ground before her body skidded to a halt. She gritted her teeth, a low moan tearing through them as her hands, knees, and arms broke her fall automatically against the concrete. She could feel half of her skin being taken off.

She cried out when she forced herself to sit up, a sharp pain shooting through her side. Her suspicions had been correct; She looked as though she'd been through a battle. Her knees were bloody and scratched up, her elbows and the palms of her hands even worse.

But her bodies current state wasn't the most important thing at present. It was finding her Puddin'.

"Puddin'?" she croaked out fearfully, glancing around her.

She found the dumpster and saw the black smoke sizzling from the carnage of the bike. The bike was mangled into pieces from how fast they had been going. But her Puddin', she couldn't find him anywhere. Had he been thrown off the bike too?

"Puddin'?" she tried again shakily, her eyes building with tears.

She turned her head to glance behind where she lay- though it was agony, even turning her head. A niggling pain shot through her shoulder. Everything was hurting. Pieces of her hair stuck to the back of her shoulder-blade, to her cheek, probably glued to her skin from some sort of graze or wound. She must have landed in a bad way. She hissed when she rolled her shoulders, attempting to rid herself of the pain, while her eyes searched her surroundings again for any sign of her man's body.

As far as she could tell, he was nowhere in sight. Unless he'd ran off to handle Batsy? She wouldn't have put that past him, but normally, he would be wanting to make sure Harley was okay first. Or well, she _hoped_ he would. _Unless he never truly cared about her in the first place?_ A hollow ache formed in her chest at the unbearable thought and she moaned quietly in confusion and despair, curling her arms tightly around her waist to soothe herself. _What was she thinking? Of course her Puddin' cared, despite him not saying the words all that often. He showed it enough in his actions, in the way he treated her. And what about them getting married? What about their matching ring tattoos? He had to care, didn't he?_

But then where was her Puddin' now? Why had he left her there, after the motorcycle crash, especially on the night that was meant to be their honeymoon?

Sirens broke out in the distance and following the noise, she caught flashes of red-and-blue lights approaching. _Great, the cops. The cops had decided to come out and play._

Multiple GCPD vehicles pulled up in front of the alleyway, blocking all exits out. She heard four car doors open simultaneously and then voices. She tightened her arms around her waist, squeezing herself, asserting down on her ribs for reassurance. It was beginning to bug her, and tears spilled down her cheeks, a painful heartbroken ache in her chest. Where was her Puddin'? Was he just going to lie back and let this happen to her- with Harley being swamped in and barricaded by Gotham City's policemen?

"Ma'am, I want you to listen real carefully now." She heard one of the officers speak in a low, gentle voice, placating her. She glanced toward the noise, finding an older man in his uniform, his hands raised, a gun pointed at her steadily from where she sat, hunched over, curled in on herself. "I want you to stand real slowly, if you're able to. Can you do that for me?"

She heard gasps and murmurs behind him coming from a few of his other fellow officers. She knew they'd put two and two together and had finally realized just who she was. She was not some ordinary, defenseless woman, hurt and injured from a motorbike incident. No, she was Harley Quinn, now-wife to one of the most feared and important criminals in Gotham City, The Joker. And, not only that, but she had been wanted ever since her Puddin' had managed to get her free from the Penitentiary after completing her mission as part of the Suicide Squad. Now what? Were they going to put her back in there?

She couldn't see anyway out of it. Her Puddin' had obviously bailed himself out, deserting her. Something she didn't realize until then, was a pattern. Puddin' always did that, and why should she be so surprised now? He'd done it the night he'd drove their car into the river while chasing down Batsy. He'd done it to her a couple of times during a gunfight with one of Mr. J's associates, leaving her there to find her own way back home. And now, there he was, doing it again, on their honeymoon night, of all nights.

 _So much for christening the bearskin rug as a newly married couple..._

Sniffling loudly and bracing herself for the pain, Harley forced herself to stand, unsteadily swaying on her feet. All muscles she had felt sore, the cuts and grazes on her elbows, knees, and hands, stinging. She kept her arms around her waist, hugging herself as a mixture of betrayal, hurt, and rejection flooded through her at the thought of what her Puddin' had done, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks. She kept her eyes transfixed on the officer in front of her as her eyes blurred over with more tears.

"Ya such a coward, Puddin'," she mumbled quietly under her breath angrily, sadly, mainly speaking to herself, venting, when the officer lowered his gun, taking one cautious step forward towards her. "I thought ya loved me and that you were never a coward? Yet what's this? Leaving your new wife here like this on her honeymoon?"

The officer pulled a set of handcuffs out from his holster, moving behind her.

Before she put her hands behind her back obediently, she metaphorically grabbed her tattoo ring off her finger, tossing it off to the ground. If only she could... If only it were an actual ring, and not ink, something permanent and deeply ingrained into her skin. How could her Puddin' do this to her?

She caught the officer move back briskly, alert. He clearly had mistaken her actions for something else.

"Jesus, relax, will ya?" she scoffed, pushing her hands behind her back again. "I'm obeying! I've got nothing on me as a weapon right now! I'm clearly cooperating!"

The officer clicked the handcuffs into place, then Harley was led towards one of the police cars, her heart dropping in her chest. While she felt terrible all over and in pain from the grazes and the impact of being shoved off the motorbike, it was her Puddin's actions that affected her the most. How she felt, inside, due to him, it was far more agonizing than what was happening on the outside, with her body pains.

As another officer stepped forward to hold the door open for her, she ducked low, sliding inside on an angle so the cuffs wouldn't hurt her back. _Done,_ was the only mournful current thought she could think of, a sob tearing through the base of her throat. Her and her Puddin', their honeymoon night, their entire relationship. _They were done._ This was going to be the last time she would put up with him deserting her.

 _Or maybe she'd been too quick to think that..._

She glimpsed the back of the officer's head that was currently sitting in the drivers seat through the protective mesh that separated them from their captured felons as the officer shut the door on her. They were wearing the basic officer's cap, yet she noticed that very distinctive shade of green hair peeking through on the nape of their neck.

When the 'officer' craned his neck back to look at her through the protective mesh, a giddy, happy, besotted laugh tore through Harley's mouth loudly. If her hands had been free, she would have clapped loudly in applause as all of her previous doubts and fears were blown into smithereens right in front of her.

The 'officer' broke out into a large, dazzling grin as a low, rumbling growl of an exhalation left him.

Sitting in the front drivers seat, disguised as an 'officer of the law', was Joker. How he managed to even get into the drivers seat without any of the cops knowing or no less steal one of the officer's hats without being noticed, she had no idea. But the fact that he had, that he hadn't left her after all, it sent a flicker of desire through her. She found she couldn't wait until they were alone at home again.

"Puddin'!" she exclaimed in relief. "I thought you'd gone and left me!"

"Oh, no, no, no." He chided her in a gravelly voice, pushing his head up against the meshing, hitting it with his forehead. "Ya know I can never go without ya, baby."

Her previous thoughts came back to her, taunting her. She found herself reluctant to believe, and she whispered doubtfully, "Ya really mean that, Mr. J?"

"You know I do," he confessed, the words heartfelt, fierce, making Harley's eyes glisten with new tears. She knew it was taking him a lot to say it out loud- her Puddin' was never the emotional, romantic type. But she appreciated it and relished the moment so much. "After what happened, with ya being gone so long the way ya had before, I know now for real that the world ain't the same place it usually is without ya, honey." It was the sweetest thing he had ever said to her, and her heart soared and puffed up in her chest. He cleared his throat gruffly, the discomfort of admitting such a thing to her clear in his expression. "Now what do ya say we get outta here?"

"I'm ready to go if you are, Puddin'," she admitted daringly, settling back in the seat, bracing herself.

"Oh, I've always been ready." A low, desperate moaning noise was squeezed out through his grill as his make-up black-rimmed eyes searched her face heatedly. "Been eager and aching for that date on the bearskin rug to happen."

Delighted over the turn of events, Harley shimmied her shoulders in the seat, a hum of excitement passing her mouth as her Puddin' abruptly stepped on the gas, sending them shooting forward in the car.

Harley laughed loudly and her laughter mingled with her Puddin's when they watched some of the officers diving out of the way quickly when the car rushed towards them. One unlucky officer was too late and he smashed right up against the windshield, before being flung off when her Puddin' gave a vigorous jerk of the steering wheel.

Mentally, she put her ring back on, though she knew she couldn't have really taken it off in the first place. Her Puddin' would never purposefully abandon her, though it was a constant fear she had in her head; one that never ceased. The voices inside her head wouldn't let her forget the niggling doubts.

But, as it turned out, their honeymoon night wasn't over just yet. No, it was only just barely halfway through being done. And Gotham City, as always, was their playground.

 _Hope you found some enjoyment in this chapter. Merci, thank you so much for being so kind. Hope this one was okay with my English, it is always a worry. All mistakes I take full responsibility of :) Would love to know your thoughts? Are you still liking or is it too uncharacteristic of Harley and Joker? I try to keep it within their characters but I don't know how its going._


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